For a long, long time, I wasn't happy with the way my life was going.
I was always frustrated, and always wanted more out of life. I felt I had a lot of holes that needed to be filled, but I couldn't figure out a way to fill them.
Over time though I've found ways to fill those holes, or at least lay down the foundation to be able to fill those holes in the near future.
Soon I will be working towards getting my GED, which is basically a high school diploma. While I'm doing that I'm also continuing to do the tennis training, still keeping my dream of being a pro tennis player alive. I also feel like I have the perfect balance in life when it comes to friends. I have 2 very close friends, outside of twitter. We hangout all the time and talk a lot. Aside from those two, I have a few friends here and there that sort of tag along when we do things. Whether it's hitting the links for some golf, or enjoying a night at a bowling alley surrounded by loud music and drunk people. I've even sort of come to grips with my anxiety. Obviously it still can deeply trouble me when it acts up. Lately though I've been put in some very tough situations where my anxiety was tested, and I almost found myself saying screw it. I'm not gonna worry anymore, because, as my mom has been telling me for months, worrying does nothing.
So I've sort of found that middle ground: Tennis, school, friends. I get to chase my dream while at the same time have a backup to be able to go to college or university, and chase whatever dream comes up next. Whether trying to be a walk on for a university baseball team in America, or just enjoying being a college student, finding a girl, and setting up my life with a solid career.
Anyways, the other night my moms friend was talking to my mom about setting me up with this girl she knows. She's my age, smart, all that stuff. Now maybe a few months ago I would have been like "heck yeah", now? I'm like "heck no". Okay, I didn't actually say no, but I'm really not liking the idea. Before starting all the tennis stuff I was feeling very lonely, I was always out girl hunting. Whenever I'd see a girl I'd be like "maybe her", oh nope.."maybe her", now I couldn't care less.
I think there's two major reasons why I don't want to be set up and have a girlfriend:
1) I am totally invested in the tennis right now. That is where most of my heart is.
2) I don't want to disrupt this balance that I have right now.
I posted a blog about it a few months ago on my old wordpress one, and basically..I fear change! I have finally gotten to the point where I am happy with where my life is at. Obviously I'm striving for more, but I'm happy to do so. I realize that it couldn't hurt. Fact is, I'm not gonna end up dating some maniac like last time, but I have had some bad luck with women too.
I would also first be meeting this girl through facebook, which I'm not fond of either. I love having twitter, and having a group of friends based out of there, some who I have met, but facebook just isn't the place for that. So many times I've had "friendships" with people strictly through facebook because a friend introduced us. I'm cool with having a strictly twitter friendship, and continuing to add more friends to that mix, but not facebook.
Last reason, I want to meet a girl the old fashioned way. This is a tough one. Why? because I need to grow a pair and talk to a girl first. I just feel like, if I talk to some girl I just met and we get to know each other from there, I would feel a much greater sense of accomplishment through that.
Anyways, I don't have much more to say other than that. Moral of the blog is, in order to fill those holes which you feel are in your life, you need to lay down the foundations and building blocks first. I've done that, and though I may not be completed in filling in those holes, a huge weight has been lifted knowing I have started.
Until next time,
Chris
