I get this itch when I'm not doing anything; this itch that drives me to want to create something new, or say something different.
Every night, when I sit down at my computer, I stare at it long and hard and decide if tonight is the night. Is this the night I express something that's weighing on me? Is this the night I publish a blog? Or go on a social media rant about something I care about, hoping to garner people's attention?
One of my biggest struggles when I was out of school was finding ways to be productive. Sure, I could have done online school like I was supposed to, but that wasn't any fun! So I went through this daily battle, much like I do to this day, figuring out how I'd express myself.
Problem is, there becomes a point when you say so many things and express your thoughts on so many topics at so many times that people stop paying attention. The more you say, the less people will listen; the more you write, the less people will read.
Fact is, people begin to take less & less stock in what you have to say the more you say it. That doesn't mean that you should be hesitant about saying anything, or strategically plan saying certain things at certain times, but I think it does mean that you should at least think through if what you're about to say is really worth other people's time.
But this becomes hard. As a guy who fights this itch every night knowing that he can't scratch it, it becomes unbearable at times. It's this constant battle between A) I really do have something to say, and B) I just want to post something so that people will read it.
I was naive in thinking that being in school would erase that itch. If anything, that itch has gotten stronger, because I'm in school where I have the opportunity to create things occasionally, then I get home and I don't really have that anymore. It becomes this obsessive need to be doing something; to, in my eyes, make something of myself and my time.
So it becomes this battle of wills. In the blue corner, we have the part of me that wants to be seen. In the red corner, we have the part of me that wants to be heard.
Being heard should ALWAYS be the top priority. There are people who say and post things constantly out of wanting to be seen. We know who those people are, and some might even say there's a special place in hell for them.
But seriously, there's a reason why we know who they are, and lets be honest for a second, do we EVER read their stuff? No! It sort of becomes this case of the boy who cried wolf, except nobody cried wolf, they cried attention. And when that happens, something of actual value or importance may get lost because nobody bothers to pay attention to that person. If 1/20 things they say are of actual interest to others, what are the odds of people seeing that one thing, when they learn to scan over the other 19.
Anyways, I get the sense I might sound like a bit of jerk in this, and that definitely wasn't my attention. All I'm trying to say is that I have this itch, and I have a feeling of needing to be doing something because if I'm doing nothing, I feel less important. I think other people probably feel that way too, a lot more than we'd like to admit.
